I told Pop I wanted to learn to swim in the bath. He took me down to the river and shoved me in by the back of my head. My face scraped against the rocks and the water whipped me all around. The whole time his palm was dug into my skull so I wouldn’t get drifted off and I could feel his force from crouching down on the bank and I heard tiny pops in the back of my head. He pulled me...
A Little Joke
There are always in these neighborhoods, chickens and roosters and turkeys who flock from my boots and feather the rusty grassed lawns a dirty snow flurry in the August sun. They gobble tight-beaked and loud and I think how grossly convenient it must be to raise your own poultry. I have never bled an animal by the neck but it sounds like something I’d want to try. In...
First time a bat happened we’d just moved in. I chased it through the hallway all night with a hamper over my head and broom-swatted at everything in every direction. Mostly I hit vases and maybe the dog by accident once. Wife made me call animal control and we waited for an hour outside the front porch awning, which leaked during summer storms and it was a summer storm. The guy, once...
Intermediate non-fiction piece about a goose...
I can always come up with great insults in my head when mentally preparing for a situation that will most likely not arise. When a conflict happens however, that actually calls for one of these insults, there is no preparation. It’s all instinct. I’ve got no instinct in this department. I was riding my bike around Belmont lake yesterday. It is a lovely lake and a great bike ride....
It was Alan bet me I wouldn’t cut it out and nuke it. Drove the knife straight in the sack, and the blood when it hit was cold on the inside of my wrist. I heard a soppy flop and my left ball was sitting on the kitchen floor while my right was cowering inside me, though for a second I could have sworn it was swinging, like the swinging part of a grandfather clock. If Mom were there, she would...
Soon I will post some stories that I write here and maybe you will read them.